I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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