We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
