you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
