Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
