Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
