OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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