Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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