Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
