I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
