Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
