Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
