The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
