best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
