I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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