Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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