I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
