I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
