can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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