No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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