hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were destined to go to rehab together
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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