This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
as a side note pls kill me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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