if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
