so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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