I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
