was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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