Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life is pants optional.
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