Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
