I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
