I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize