Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
