I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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