Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
