When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
