You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
