I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
