When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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