woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
