The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
