Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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