I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
