your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
