Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
