shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
