my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
