Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
