That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize