Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
