Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
