PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
