is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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