I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
