i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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