today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
