So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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