she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize