Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
