Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
40s are totally the cure
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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