You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize