yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
