Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
