like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
