i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
