Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dicks are not precious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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