i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
