he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
