dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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