Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
