ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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