i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
