you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
